I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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