No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize