biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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