i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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