you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize