You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
