The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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