I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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