HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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