Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
