Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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