you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
