I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
