i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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