Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
