I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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