I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
