I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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