i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
