Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
