there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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