You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
