I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
