this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
