another moral hangover. fuck.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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