Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
