so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
