New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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