This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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