it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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