They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
