so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
