my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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