TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
