i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize