can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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