If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
