Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry about my life...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
