I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
