i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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