Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
