dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
