somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
