At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
