I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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