Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
