hotel room ftw
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
