Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
