I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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