I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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