i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
