You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
