i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Let's paint friendship bongs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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