(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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