Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
