Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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