so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
