i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
