peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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