I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
