I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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