I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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