I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
