Screwed.edu
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
