don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
