I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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