How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
