What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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