WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
