wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
