a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
