she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize