good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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