Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
